GOD HOW DID I KNOW YOU WAS GONNA PUT THIS SHET UP ON SOME TYPE OF BLOG. HAHA

BUTENEEWAYS.  DONT WORRY. I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU'RE COMIN FROM AND WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN.  TOLD YOU I'M DONE WITH THE BULLSHET.  AND I KNOW I DIDN'T TREAT YOU THAT GOOD THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS AND I DONT BLAME YOU FOR BEIN MAD.  AND I'M SORRY IF THIS COMES OUT THE WRONG WAY, BUT IM HONESTLY NOT SORRY FOR IT.  DONT TAKE ME WRONG! I WISH I DIDN'T COME OFF THE WAY I DID SOMETIMES AND WISH YOU DIDN'T THINK OF CERTAIN SITUATIONS THE WAY YOU DO, BUT I ALMOST FELT LIKE I HAD TO.  MITZIE, YOU ARE A GROWN ASS WOMAN NOW.  AND I WISH YOU'D REALIZE IT.  YEA, LIKE YOU SAID, YOU'VE CHANGED BUT I DON'T THINK YOU REALLY KNOW "HOW" IT IS YOU CHANGED.  YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL ME I DONT KNOW YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE I'VE KNOWN THAT LOOOONG BEFORE.  I'M GLAD YOUR HAPPIER WITH YOURSELF, I'M GLAD YOUR GETTIN YOUR SHET STRAIGHT AND I ONLY PRAY THAT YOU ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE PROMISED ME, BUT THE OTHER WAYS YOU'VE CHANGED...  I HOPE YOU SEE WHAT I SEE AND UNDERSTAND WHY I TREATED YOU THE WAY I DID.  AND THAT'S JUST THE THING.  YOU TRIED TOO HARD TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE.  YOU TRIED TO DO THINGS TO IMPRESS ME AND THEN SHOVE IT IN MY FACE ALL DAY LONG.  THAT'S WHY I GOT IRRITATED WITH YOU SO MUCH.  I'M NOT HARD TO PLEASE AND YOU KNOW THAT.  BUT YOU ALSO GOTTA REALIZE THAT I DO HAVE MY OWN LIFE.  I'VE HAD MY OWN LIFE EVER SINCE HIGHSCHOOL AND YES.. WHEN I FOUND TONY.  AND HAVING A BABY MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE AND MAKES MY LIFE EVEN MORE PREOCCUPIED.  I TREATED YOU LIKE SHET BECAUSE YOU WERE RELYING ON MY TOO MUCH.  I HATED BEIN AROUND FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME BECAUSE I FELT LIKE YOU WERE ANOTHER CHILD I HAD TO LOOK AFTER.  YOU WEREN'T MY SISTER.  YOU WERE BEING SOMONE TRYING TOO HARD TO BY MY SISTER.  AND DONT TAKE ALL THIS SHET OFFENSIVELY.  YEA YOU PAYED FOR SHET, BUT I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH FINANCIAL SHET OR THE FACT THAT YOU WATCHED THE BABY FOR ME.  I'M TALKIN OUR RELATIONSHIP.  YOU KNOW. I'M GLAD WE HAD OUR ARGUMENT BECAUSE I KNOW NOW THAT YOU'VE FINALLY LET GO OF ME.  AND NOW YOU CAN LEARN AND GROW ON YOUR OWN.  YOU CAN'T KEEP RELYING ON PEOPLE SIS.  YOU GOT SO ATTACHED TO ME THAT YOU CAN'T FUNCTION RIGHT WITHOUT ME AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT IN A COCKY WAY, AND SORRY FOR SAYING THIS, BUT THAT'S HOW YOU WERE WITH LOLA. AND THAT'S WHY YOU WAS LIKE THAT WITH ME. I KNOW WHAT YOU WROTE WASN'T BULLSHET. I'VE KNOWN THAT'S THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN FEELING.  AND ALL THIS SHET I'M TELLIN YOU NOW ISN'T ANY DIFFERENT OF WHAT I WAS ALWAYS LECTURING YOU ABOUT.  THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NOW IS THAT YOU FINALLY REALIZED IT.  I REALLY DO HOPE YOU DONT TURN OUT LIKE MARK.  AND ACTUALLY FIND OUT WHAT IT IS YOU WANT IN LIFE, BECAUSE ONCE YOU DO... YOU'LL BE A LOT HAPPIER.  MAYBE EVEN AS HAPPY AS ME =) HEHE. JK.  NAW..HAPPIER.  JUST BECAUSE WE'RE AQUANDLINTENCES (YEA YEA YEA) DOESN'T MEAN I DONT LOVE YOU ANY LESS OR THAT I'M NOT GONNA BE HERE FOR YOU.  JUST KINDA LETTIN YOU GO TOO.  YOU'LL BE FINE.  I KNOW YOU WILL.  JUST LOSE THE ATTITUDE DAMMIT!!  HEHE. I LOVE YOU AND YES...ALWAYS WILL.  DUHH!  JUST HOPEFULLY NEXT TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER YOU WONT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO IMPRESS ME OR BEAT UP ANYONE WHO TRIES TO "TAKE ME A WAY."  HEHE. AND WHEN I SAID I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU I MEANT IT, WHETHER YOU BELIEVE ME ON IT OR NOT.  I'M STILL HERE... JUST MORE IN THE BACKGROUND. 

I LOVE YOU.  AND I STILL HATE YOU =)

LOVE ALWAYS,   ATE

AND PS!  MAKE UP YOUR MIND WOMAN!!  AND YOU KNOW WHAT...I MEAN WHO...I MEAN THE PEOPLES I'M TALKIN BOUT.  HEHE MWAHH!

i guess 4 days make a big difference....

ive been trying to fight my way into your life for all my life.. tried to be and do everything and anything you wanted just for that moment to feel that you wanted me in it as much as i wanted to be apart of it.  im not saying ive been the best but neither have you. you have things you can and do hold over my head but it goes both ways.  you could always confide in me..but me confiding in you was totally different but i dealt with it.  you know maybe being aquaintances is better than what we considered eachother before..since you treated them better than you treated me.  im glad you have your life situated...thats honestly a first and i hope you stick with.  again, i hope its not just you trying to convince yourself because i want to believe that you are. those texts you sent me before i went there about you never leaving me was i guess bull shet too.  it may be taking me some time to get my shit situated but i will.. my fault for revolving a lot of it around you but thank you for making me realize that i cant.  im not living my life around you anymore.  im not changing what i need to do just for you.  as much as i thought you were my life, you are well you were just a part of it.  ive changed. and no you dont know me any more as well as you think you did..im not going to take your shit any more.  ive done nothing but try to be there for you and honestly live around your schedule and just you in general. youre right you have your own life now.  and i do too.  im not chasing after you any more.  ive got better things to do. and even though you're probably reading this with no emotion and thinking its all bull shet...go ahead.  i really hope youve changed for the better instead of worse.  good luck..i still love you. and honestly im still here with open arms..still here for you to confide in and whatever else you need.  but im used to it....its not like you havent left me before... dont think im trying to give you a guilt trip or anything close to that because im not.  its the truth and you know what im talking about.  you say youre grown so do what you gotta do. even if it means me not being in your life. 

ill always be here...

i love you.

suuhhhprriiiysssiiing.

how one conversation can change your whole yeah. hahah

relief...happy...chill...relaxed...yeah. =)

vent.

slowly but surely im breaking down inside
trying hard as hell to fix my face with a lie
so easy to smile when people pass by,
not knowing a clue what youre feeling inside,
heart cramps then starts to race
feels like all the blood is rushing to your face
cant help but think what your doing wrong,
scared to think everything you have can be gone
in a second,
just one breath
one moment
cant correct
so deep inside you wish you could go back
change all the dumb shit you did, start fresh just like that
longing to fix things, make things right
just start over over night
hoping to wake up one morning and all of it wasn't real
all the feelings, anxieties, and pain you feel
just like all the things stuck inside that you cant get out
avoiding confrontation, taking another route
all the things you dropped and let go
all the things that you never let show
all the stupid ass things you tried to hide
hopeing one day they wont be inside
wishing the words flew out your mouth as easy as you thought them
longing for that feeling that youre not alone
that one feeling that you hold on to for hope
that interaction that can change everything in that moment
just something.

ah.